How Age Affects Dating Compatibility
In my line of work I frequently meet men over 50 and into their 60s who tell me they will not date women in their 50s. They say they are “not attracted to them”. In a similar vein, women in their 50s tell me they do not want to date men over 50. There is without a doubt a huge disconnect here between this generation and therein lies a huge challenge in the dating world. I say this because according to eHarmony, one of the biggest online dating providers who conducted a survey called The Future of Online Dating, stated the biggest growth segment in the next decade will be the 55-65 year age group, ironically the exact same generation that refuse to date one another. The survey predicts a 30% rise in singles within this age group. To compound the issue for this generation, our female clients in their late 30s and 40s will date men into their late 50s and even early 60s.
So what now?
Looking at some of the possible reasons why older and younger generations decide to date and the issues that could crop up:
Men think all older women are the same
If a man has had a bad experience in his last relationship he may be tarring every woman in that age group with the same brush. He may think that younger women are less dramatic and have less baggage from previous relationships. Not so, I know plenty of women including myself who in their 30s and 40s had many bad life or relationship experiences and they are just as wary of dating if not more so.
Good for the male ego
It must be a great ego boost for a man to find, attract and date a younger woman. But as one male client said to me recently, whilst having a younger woman by his side may be a great boost to his ego, “the common interests would wane after a while”. So long term the bigger the age gap the less likely this relationship is going to work due to lack of overall compatibility.
Remarrying and having more children
Not every woman in her 30s and 40s wants to have children but surely a great many will want to do so. Older men dating in this age range would have to accept that whilst they may already have fulfilled their desire for a family, a woman in her 40s may not have and indeed may be unwilling to forego her opportunity to do so. On top of that she will have a biological clock that is ticking and very soon into the relationship such a conversation should be anticipated.
If you’re dating a younger man you may find that he is more spontaneous than you are used to. He will want to do more adventurous things and will expect you to be available at a moment’s notice. This can work if you have no other people to consider, such as children from your previous relationship. You may find yourself getting frustrated because he doesn’t understand that you have commitments and cannot drop everything and sail off into the sunset.
The ‘Cougar’ term
I personally find this term offensive because of the predator connotation. Nonetheless if you are an older woman dating a younger man then you will have encountered it. There will be comments that, although said with a smile and as banter, could still be painful. You may also find his family; especially his mother may not favour you.
All that said, age is just a number and it’s the connection and compatibility factors that count. A lasting relationship is built on love, trust and mutual respect and when two people fall in love there are no barriers including that of age. Furthermore, life is short and ‘forever’ in this life no longer exists. Forever could be 2 years or 20 years but what is important is that you make that forever the happiest period of your life and spend it with the person that makes you happy to be alive every day no matter what their age.
South Downs Introductions attracts and caters for both male and female clients mid 30s upwards. We do not stipulate an upper age limit as we believe love does not discriminate.