April 2016

Can A Matchmaker Work For You?

Matchmaking has been around for hundreds of years so it’s far from being a new concept.  With some online dating sites being fraught with danger and far from being discreet, more and more people are turning to a professional matchmaker in an effort to find love.

I just got back from spending a lovely evening with a wonderful couple that I matched just a little over six months ago.  They invited me out to dinner to thank me for introducing them.  It was wonderful to see them both again and especially to see them together as a couple.  They looked so happy and were completely comfortable with one another.  They held hands as they talked about their recent holiday, which they said brought them even closer together and cemented their relationship.

It’s a fantastic feeling to know that I put these two people together and ultimately created a relationship that otherwise may never have materialised.  He’s a wonderful, intelligent, kind, considerate man and she is a beautiful and intelligent woman.  They complement one another.

During the course of the evening our conversation turned to some of the challenges I face as a matchmaker.  I said that it saddens me when people come to me to find love then they refuse to meet someone based on their assumption that the person is not their type from a mere photo.  One guy turned a girl down because her profile photograph did not show her in a social situation, so he assumed she was not much fun or confident.  Seriously, a moment in time (a photograph) will encapsulate the essence of a person?  It will absolutely not.

Pictures and Profiles

There is absolutely no way you can tell from a profile or a photograph whether someone is right for you and furthermore, it can very often take more than a first date to do so.  Don’t just take my word for it though as it’s proven by relationship experts and psychologists, who say that you could browse profiles for hours online saying, yes, no, maybe but you cannot get a sense of compatibility until you get out there and meet the person face to face.  You cannot have a relationship with an online dating profile or a few text messages from a stranger.  In fact I know of people who had no less than four dates before they realised they clicked and now they are married.

Our conversation moved on to how we believe that online dating sites are much to blame for people actually believing they can tell what a person is like purely from viewing their profile.  This is concerning as the single population is exploding and more and more are living alone these days in single person households.  The problem is people are focusing on a list of ‘must haves’ rather than just meeting people with an open, non-judgemental mind.  The couple I mention above that I introduced used the word “sabotage” in the context that people are sabotaging their own chances of finding love by having a list of ‘must haves’.

The ‘List’

Anyone that has a stringent list of attributes when seeking a potential partner is likely to end up being single for a very long time and maybe forever.  The fact is no one is perfect and having a list will not create a perfect person.  Looking for the perfect person means you may well eliminate potentially great partners along the way.

Words of wisdom that I came away from this couple with and I want to share with anyone reading this is, ask yourself what it is you want?  Assuming the answer is someone to share your life with then ask yourself how you think you will achieve that.  Well the only answer is by meeting who your matchmaker recommends.  Place your trust in your matchmaker because she/he can make it possible for you.  I have a current average success rate of 65%.  I measure it by looking at those people in long term relationships.  I deem a long term relationship as three months and beyond.  That’s a very good success rate but you will only be one of the 65% successes if you meet who I recommend just like the couple I met for drinks this evening.

So what can a matchmaker do for you?

Offer you opportunities to meet people who they have met themselves and strongly believe that you and they have sufficient connection that you may just get along and like the couple I’ve mentioned end up in a solid, sincere relationship.

After all, if you’re really serious about wanting to find the right person then you really have nothing to lose by meeting your recommended matches and potentially everything to gain.