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Annotation 2019-06-24 223623

Stepping into a first date: what shoes to wear

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Author: Rachel Clinkard of  Charles Clinkard

Dating can be toe-curling enough without worrying about what to wear on your feet. Rachel Clinkard, of quality footwear providers Charles Clinkard, shares her advice for successful shoe-shopping to help you make a good impression on your first date.

It’s a common saying that one of the first things people notice about you is your footwear. It makes sense, as it only takes one tenth of a second for your date to make up his or her mind about you (Psychological Science) and you can get a sense of a person’s overall style straight away just by looking at what shoes they’ve chosen to wear.

To help you make a good impression, below are my tips for choosing the right shoes to step into a first date with confidence and style. 

Keep your shoes clean and polished

It’s good to have a trusty pair of ‘old reliables’ when it comes to dating. These are shoes that you know are comfortable, fit you well, and go with most outfits. However, even the perfect pair can let you down if they are worn and weathered. Failing to take good care of your shoes probably indicates you don’t put a lot of effort into other parts of your life, as well, which could put off a potential love interest.

Make sure you check your shoes for cracks, holes, and creases, repairing or replacing them if necessary, and polish your shoes the night before your date to give them an extra shine. You may think some scuffs are too small to notice, but they can have a big effect on your overall look. 

Choose appropriate footwear

Of course, the ideal footwear to wear on a first date depends on what it is you will be doing. Most first date activities, like the cinema, a museum, or a candlelit meal, will have plenty of paving and even ground so you can safely choose to wear what you like. Boat shoes and loafers are a popular choice for both men and women, as they toe the line between smart and casual, but they don’t necessarily offer the best grip or protection so are better suited to these kinds of dates. 

However, picnics in the park and even more strenuous outdoor activities, like hiking and rock climbing, become amongst the most popular dating pastimes in the summer months so make sure you have appropriate boots and waterproofs if that is what you’ve chosen to do together.  

Show off your style

As with the rest of your first date outfit, your shoes should be well-fitting, flattering, and indicative of your personal style. This initial meeting is your opportunity to get across your personality, so your choice of shoe should reflect that. Choose smart leather lace-ups or a pair of cool, edgy boots to suit your overall look. If you’re nervous, you can go for something simple and classy, like a brogue or a pump, for a neatly put together effect.

Whether you want to wear heels or not is entirely up to you. Many women feel like they should, to give a sense of occasion. Others avoid wearing heels because they find them uncomfortable, have difficulty walking in them, or don’t want to risk being taller than their date. You should always choose comfort over whether or not you ‘should’ wear heels: if you feel more confident in stilettos, go for it, but a pair of pretty flats can have just as much of a wow factor.

With these tips, you can be sure to wear shoes for your first encounter that not only compliment your outfit but take it to the next level. Whatever style you choose, make sure they are clean, co-ordinated, and comfortable for extra first date confidence. 

Annotation 2019-04-24 195959

Expert style tips for the dating man

Author: Christopher Legard, Managing Director of Joseph Turner, Men’s Fashion Retailer

First dates can be daunting. There’s so much to think about: What will they be like? What will you say? What will you wear? Luckily, Christopher Legard, Managing Director of quality men’s fashion retailer Joseph Turner, can give you the answer to one of those questions! Here, he shares his expert style tips for a dating man.

First impressions are everything on a date, and your outfit can say everything about you in one go. Obviously, you want to look good and feel confident, and my expert style advice will help you get ready for any date you’ve got lined up in your calendar.

Dress for the occasion

The first thing you should consider when planning your outfit is what you’re going to be doing on your date — you don’t want to turn up to the cinema in a three-piece suit! Of course, you don’t want to be underdressed either because this could give the wrong impression. When it comes to dates, it’s always best to be a little overdressed, as your date will see that you’ve made an effort and they’ll most likely be impressed.

A smart shirt and trousers is a classic look for a first date and can be dressed up with a blazer or down with a pair of jeans. If you’re going for light colours, brown shoes will work better than black ones, which look great with a darker outfit.

You’ll definitely want to inject a bit of your personality into the outfit, but I’d avoid slogan t-shirts, which can be too casual for a date. Instead, go for a pair of statement socks or some jazzy cufflinks which will introduce your personality in a smarter and more subtle way.

Draw attention to your best features

You’ll definitely want your date to focus on your best features, and knowing that they’re on show will make you feel more confident, too! Try wearing lighter colours on areas you want to show off, because they’re more likely to attract the eye of your date.

With any outfit, my best advice is to make sure it fits right. Even the most beautiful clothing can look wrong without the correct measurements, so make sure that the length of shirts, sleeves and trousers are right for your body shape and size.

Accessorise the right way

When it comes to dates, you don’t want to over-accessorise. This will only distract your date and you’ll be remembered more for the amount of jewellery you wore rather than your good company and great sense of humour.

You don’t want your outfit to seem too busy, but you also don’t want it to look unfinished, either. Wear your favourite watch and, if you want, you can add a bracelet or cufflinks in the same metal. When accessorising, try to keep the right balance: if your watch is big, wear it on its own or with small, minimalist accessories to avoid it looking too fussy and over-the-top.

When it comes to belts, I’d usually suggest matching it with your shoes to really make the outfit come together. So, if you’re going for some classic brown leather brogues, opt for a brown leather belt to match.

Prepare the finishing touches

The finishing touches are just as important as the whole outfit, so make sure you shave, get a fresh haircut, and trim and clean your fingernails. Shoes can tell you a lot about a person, so make sure that they’re clean and fresh by polishing them the night before.

Life is definitely not all about looks, but when it comes to dates, your outfit is just as important as your actions. By following my top style tips for dating men, you can quite literally dress to impress. Remember, the most important thing about any outfit is that you feel as good as you look while wearing it!

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Are you too Picky

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Are You Too Picky

Are you too Picky

Are you too picky when it comes to dating?  If so you could be the reason why you’re still single.  Of course you deserve to meet someone lovely and spend the rest of your life with that person, but having sky-high expectations of meeting the perfect person means you could be passing up some great potential partners.

Signs you’re too Picky

It’s good to have standards but are you too picky?

If a couple of the following statements below sound like you then you may need to revaluate your approach to dating as it sounds as though you are too picky.  Therefore, you could be sabotaging your own chances of finding and keeping true love:

You have a list of must-haves that define your dream partner even down to their hair colour, body type or height.  You want the whole package or nothing.  Nobody is perfect, not even you, so refusing to budge an inch is not a good dating strategy;

You view a profile and say they’re not my type.  Yet you’ve just judged on their photograph or didn’t like their shirt or earrings.  Photographs are moments in time and not everyone is photogenic.  Clothing is arbitrary and can be changed.  I changed my partner’s whole wardrobe after we were dating a few months.  Remember, you’ve never met this person and have no idea what they are like and whether they could be right for you or not;

Your friends have said you are too picky when you refuse to meet worthy dates they try to set you up on.  Deep down you know you are too picky.  I know friends like to play matchmaker and sometimes they aren’t good at it.  But remember friends have your best interests at heart and wouldn’t set you up with a bad person;

You expect chemistry and all-out fireworks on a first date when in reality, chemistry can be a slow burn for quite a number of us.  Attraction can come from getting to know someone as they reveal more about themselves over a few dates;

You are too quick to rule someone out on a first date and you haven’t had a second date in a long time.  This is probably because you’re focused on little things and obsessing over a flaw.  Newsflash, you have flaws too.

What the Experts Say

We all have an expectation of what our perfect partner should be like.  For example, they should be tall, intelligent, have a sense of fun and adventure, be sporty and good-looking.  Well, “dating is a two-way thing” says James Preece, a well renowned expert and dating coach who successfully coached some of our members now in long-term relationships.  James goes on to say that “It’s okay to rule people out but you can’t expect to date a supermodel if you aren’t taking care of yourself”.

I agree with James.  I see people come to our service with over-inflated expectations of what they are looking for.  So, I will turn it around and ask them what they can bring to a relationship and why would someone want to have them as a partner?  It gets them thinking about what they can offer a person.  I don’t mean financially, I am taking about qualities and values – the fundamentals that any relationship able to stand the test of time is built on.

How we make a Match

We ask our members what they are looking for in terms of qualities and values.   We conduct a personality trait test with them so we have an idea of who they are more likely to mesh with or not.  Then we look at interests but we don’t expect them to match on every single one.  We won’t match two people who like golf or surfing because there is much more to compatibility than that.

We then telephone both members we’ve matched and tell them about one another, withholding their private information of course.  They both see each other’s profile complete with photographs.  When they both agree to meet we give the male member the female member’s email address to arrange their date.

Sometimes people don’t know what they want

We do listen to what people would like in an ideal world however, if we have a good match but there’s one thing that’s not quite what the member would like, we will always speak to them about that and let them decide.  I had a member in her mid-30s who was single, never married.  In her ideal world, she wanted to meet a single never married partner without children as she wanted to be the first to experience marriage and a family with him.  I called her and told her about a wonderful male member in his late 30s who was such a good match but he had a young daughter.  He wanted very much to have more children and get married.  She agreed to meet him and I must say they are very much in love.  She told me he’s wonderful and if she hadn’t accepted the match she would have made a terrible mistake.  He sent me an email saying he didn’t know how I got it so right on the first match when he’d been trying for years and he was falling in love.

Conclusion

So, it’s important to have some criteria but if you are too picky you could lose out on someone who could be so right for you, thus leaving you single for a long time.

We help people find love and our service works, there’s no doubt about it.  However, it will only work for people who are open to meeting who we recommend.  We’re proud to say that the majority of our members leave us happy having found love.

 

Science of Attraction

Science of Attraction

Science of Attraction

I work very closely with and provide ongoing coaching to my clients about the science of attraction.  Right from the initial contact they make with me, to their first date and through to them starting a relationship with someone I introduce them to, I am right there all the way banging a particular drum – the science of attraction.

People come to matchmaking for various reasons. Perhaps because they are disillusioned with online dating.  Or perhaps they run a company and don’t want their employees to see them using an online dating site.  Whatever the reason that they come to this service, the one thing they all have in common is that they want someone compatible to share their lives with.

Online Dating v Matchmaking

Online dating sites use algorithms which match people because they like the same genre of music, read the same books and have the same interests. In other words a clone.  Whereas matchmaking works using the science of attraction and you will be pleased to know it’s not rocket science.  Put simply, it’s about meeting the person your matchmaker recommends as they will have the qualities and values you said you are seeking in a partner.

Your match will also possess the personality traits that are likely to mesh with yours so the rest is down to the two of you meeting to see how your date goes.  There will be some cross over on interests but don’t expect them to all be exactly the same as yours.  My partner likes rock music, motorbikes and football, not my bag.  However, we do have sailing in common and have personality traits that mesh which makes for our successful, long-term relationship.

Here’s the Science Bit

So what is the science of attraction?  There is increasing evidence that during face to face meetings we subconsciously pick up clues about the suitability of our date as a future partner.  The desire to mate arises from a combination of sensory stimuli such as the visual, a person’s smell, how they move and speak.  These are all things that cannot be recreated from viewing a profile on a computer screen.  In fact it’s impossible to do so.  Dr Frederick Toates agrees and has written a book on the subject which is worth reading ‘How Sexual Desire Works‘.

There are more single people now in the UK than ever before.  Single person households are increasing at a rate of 166k a year.  Read about the trend of the Rise of Single Person House-Holds.

The Government Office for Science has predicted that single person households will be the biggest sector by 2031 at a whopping 10.9 million.

The Association of Psychological Science – Dr Eli Finkel, who spearheaded much research, found that people are over reliant on browsing profiles which feature their likes and dislikes, but this is not necessarily useful or successful in identifying a partner.  Spending hours browsing hundreds of profiles does not bring you any closer to knowing if there is a romantic spark.   Daters become picky, judgemental and start to compare people as if they are buying a pair of shoes.  People aren’t shoes!

Dr Finkel says nothing is ever going to be a substitute for meeting a real person over a coffee. Read about the Pitfalls of Online Dating.  When you are on your date ask yourself do you like the person and do they make you laugh?  If you answer yes then you should have a second date in a different setting.

Conclusion

Remember you are not being asked to marry this person. You are just meeting them for a relaxed drink in a pleasant setting.  You will have things in common and topics of conversation to discuss as your matchmaker will have already done her work.  The rest is down to you.  Believe me you have nothing to lose and maybe a life partner to gain, you never know what you don’t know.

 

Laura Yates Dating Coach

Sparks or Chemistry

Why you shouldn’t Rate your Date Completely on Sparks or Chemistry

 

We’ve all been on those dates where we get on with someone and like them, but get disheartened because we just don’t feel the Sparks or Chemistry.

Hollywood has done a great job of conveying the idea that romance and love derives from chemistry alone. So when we don’t feel that, we disregard the person in pursuit of someone else – and in pursuit of those fireworks.

This post isn’t designed to burst your bubble – in fact, hopefully the opposite!

Yes, it’s true; sparks can fly as soon as your eyes meet with someone. Or on that first date. It does happen and those dates can evolve into something long-term and even marriage. But there are just as many, if not more, beautiful love stories where that ‘chemistry’ that we talk so much about has built between two people over time. It heightens as two people connect. Think of those stories you hear where something started as friendship and then turned into something more. Or when you meet someone who you initially feel zero attraction to, yet over time as you get to know them, the attraction and chemistry gradually becomes more and more prominent and suddenly catches you off-guard. As it was completely unexpected.

Some of the men I’ve fallen for the most haven’t been the ones who I felt crazy chemistry towards from the get-go. In fact, in those particular experiences the relationship ended up being more dramatic rather than romantic because lustful chemistry doesn’t lend itself to a harmonious, long-term relationship. It can be based on highs and lows. Sure that can be a lot of fun, but now where I’m in a position where I want something more sustainable and deeper in a partner, immediate chemistry isn’t top of my agenda.

Actually, the chemistry that builds over time is so much better than initial chemistry. It’s more connected, emotional, intimate and takes the relationship to a whole new level.

I’m certainly not saying keep dating someone who you feel absolutely nothing towards. But what I do know is that so many of us are quick to write off someone immediately because of lack of chemistry. I know I have and learnt from that way of approaching dating. So my rule of thumb now, is if you like them, get on with them and have even a tiny bit of curiosity about them, go on that second date. And a third date. Get to know them a bit by going on dates in different environments and scenarios and see if that chemistry does build.

It’s not about settling for less than what the movies portray – true love is out there – it really is. But often, it’s actually better to play the long-game and know that just because the fireworks aren’t flying from date one, that doesn’t mean they won’t be in time!

Laura Yates is one of our team and a highly regarded expert Dating Coach and writer.  Visit Laura’s website for more information and advice.

Serial Dater

Are you a serial dater?

When I disclose a dating profile to a woman I sometimes hear her say, “He’s not my type”.  Men say it too but just not as much as women.  Bearing in mind this is a paper transaction and she does not even know the man I am putting forward, I am curious to know what she is basing her decision on so I ask “What is your type?”   In response and as no surprise to me come the descriptions of ex partners from relationships that did not work.  These women, or men in some cases have closed themselves down to a ‘type’ hence they’re still single.  If this sounds like you then newsflash, you’re in a dating pattern, or what some dating experts call a serial dater.

For years I was a serial dater.  I was attracted to men who quite frankly treated me very badly.  I told myself after every ‘Groundhog Day’ break up that I would not get involved with men like that again but of course I never stuck to my own rules.  Trust me I read every dating rule book there was in an effort to capture Mr Right but all I ever dated was Mr Wrong.  I let so many nice, wonderful, caring men pass me by.  I even attended some of their weddings knowing it could have been me and my only excuse for not dating them was that I felt they were not my ‘type’.  I put that down to what I thought was a lack of ‘chemistry’ which I will address below.

Einstein defines insanity as doing something over and over again and expecting a different result.  Sound familiar?  I had been dating the same type of men for over two decades and so by April 2008 I was right there with Einstein, because that’s when I realised I wanted no more of dating the same person and expecting a different result.  I decided there and then I was putting a stop to choosing the wrong men over and over again and expecting them to be right for me.   I also wanted to put a stop to letting the good men slip away before I ran out of them.  Not long after my Einstein moment I met him, my Mr Right, and I am still with him today.   He is nothing like any of the men I have previously dated; he is kind, considerate and showers me with affection.

So how did I meet my Mr Right?

Quite simple really, I dated outside my type.  My ‘type’ was tall, dark and what I considered handsome.  But my type was also selfish, aggressive and controlling.  So not such a nice combination now is it?  If I didn’t feel butterflies and there weren’t fireworks on a first date then there was no chemistry as far as I was concerned and ultimately no attraction for me.  I realise now that I misinterpreted bad behaviour as chemistry.  Such behaviour included late or no replies to text messages, always being treated as second best and even being told I was “better than nothing”.  I put my choice of men down to bad luck when really I was master of my own destiny, making all the wrong dating choices.

When I met my partner there was no chemistry and there were no fireworks.  He wasn’t my type nor was I immediately attracted to him.  He was into rock music and motor bikes neither of which I am interested in.  But we became friends over a period of time and I noticed that he treated me differently, he was nice to me, there were no games and it felt natural.  I opened myself up to date someone different, who turned out to be the love of my life.

So my message to you is that I urge anyone out there who is single and has moved from one failed relationship to another, like I once did, to date outside their type.  Now I am not advocating that you drop your standards or change completely but take a leap of fate, be open minded when you go on that first date, then maybe have a second date with him because quite honestly you have nothing to lose but maybe a soul mate to gain.

A book that I recommend you read is He’s just not your type (and that’s a good thing): How to find love where you least expect it written by Andrea Syrtash

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