Science of Attraction
I work very closely with and provide ongoing coaching to my clients about the science of attraction. Right from the initial contact they make with me, to their first date and through to them starting a relationship with someone I introduce them to, I am right there all the way banging a particular drum – the science of attraction.
People come to matchmaking for various reasons. Perhaps because they are disillusioned with online dating. Or perhaps they run a company and don’t want their employees to see them using an online dating site. Whatever the reason that they come to this service, the one thing they all have in common is that they want someone compatible to share their lives with.
Online Dating v Matchmaking
Online dating sites use algorithms which match people because they like the same genre of music, read the same books and have the same interests. In other words a clone. Whereas matchmaking works using the science of attraction and you will be pleased to know it’s not rocket science. Put simply, it’s about meeting the person your matchmaker recommends as they will have the qualities and values you said you are seeking in a partner.
Your match will also possess the personality traits that are likely to mesh with yours so the rest is down to the two of you meeting to see how your date goes. There will be some cross over on interests but don’t expect them to all be exactly the same as yours. My partner likes rock music, motorbikes and football, not my bag. However, we do have sailing in common and have personality traits that mesh which makes for our successful, long-term relationship.
Here’s the Science Bit
So what is the science of attraction? There is increasing evidence that during face to face meetings we subconsciously pick up clues about the suitability of our date as a future partner. The desire to mate arises from a combination of sensory stimuli such as the visual, a person’s smell, how they move and speak. These are all things that cannot be recreated from viewing a profile on a computer screen. In fact it’s impossible to do so. Dr Frederick Toates agrees and has written a book on the subject which is worth reading ‘How Sexual Desire Works‘.
There are more single people now in the UK than ever before. Single person households are increasing at a rate of 166k a year. Read about the trend of the Rise of Single Person House-Holds.
The Government Office for Science has predicted that single person households will be the biggest sector by 2031 at a whopping 10.9 million.
The Association of Psychological Science – Dr Eli Finkel, who spearheaded much research, found that people are over reliant on browsing profiles which feature their likes and dislikes, but this is not necessarily useful or successful in identifying a partner. Spending hours browsing hundreds of profiles does not bring you any closer to knowing if there is a romantic spark. Daters become picky, judgemental and start to compare people as if they are buying a pair of shoes. People aren’t shoes!
Dr Finkel says nothing is ever going to be a substitute for meeting a real person over a coffee. Read about the Pitfalls of Online Dating. When you are on your date ask yourself do you like the person and do they make you laugh? If you answer yes then you should have a second date in a different setting.
Remember you are not being asked to marry this person. You are just meeting them for a relaxed drink in a pleasant setting. You will have things in common and topics of conversation to discuss as your matchmaker will have already done her work. The rest is down to you. Believe me you have nothing to lose and maybe a life partner to gain, you never know what you don’t know.
Author: Tara McDonnell, founder and owner of South Downs Introductions. Tara is a trained certified matchmaker from the Matchmaker Academy. She is also a proud award winner at the UK Dating Awards 2015.