dating Advice

Single at Christmas

Single at Christmas

, , , ,

Single at Christmas

 

One of the loneliest times of the year can be when you’re single at Christmas.  I spent most of my 30s single and every Christmas I got really fed up.  This feeling was compounded by the fact that it’s my birthday on Christmas Eve.  Every year I would wake up and feel really down because there was no special man in my life to wish me happy birthday.

Every January I vowed I would not be alone the following year.  I would set about creating my brand new profile for online dating.  I would feel really enthusiastic and positive about finding someone.  However, after a few weeks I only felt disheartened.  I hated the time spent emailing back and forth when I wanted to cut to the chase and meet the person.  If I did meet someone, more often than not they had lied about something such as their height, weight, age and even marital status.  Why do people do that?

We get a vast number of enquiries for our matchmaking memberships from people in between Christmas and the New Year.  January goes crazy with people joining.  Some people tell me they had a miserable Christmas and say they do not want to spend the following year single.  I do empathise with anyone who is single at Christmas and so I have put together some ideas to help get you through this period.

Make plans to see family and friends

Although you might not have a special someone this year, you are likely to have loved ones and friends to spend time with.  You will always have the inquisitive relative that asks about your love life or lack of it.  Just steer the conversation away from that and tell them about all the great things you have done this year and what you have planned for next year.  Your relatives care about you that’s probably the reason they ask about your love life.  Another wine will always help get you through those questions.

Volunteer and do some charity work

A number of my clients have worked Christmas Day for Crisis, the homeless charity who happen to be seeking volunteers this Christmas too.  You can find Crisis’ website here.  Clients tell me they felt humbled and got great satisfaction from helping others less fortunate.  They forgot about their own situation which is nothing compared to being homeless.  I volunteered for Age Concern over the Christmas period.  It’s sad how many elderly people spend Christmas alone every year.

The bonus to volunteering is you won’t be alone and in fact may even meet other likeminded people who are also single.  You never know where this may lead to.  So push yourself out of your comfort zone and give to someone else this year and volunteer.

Treat yourself

If you can afford to splash out and indulge yourself with a spa break then we recommend Grayshott Spa in Hindhead, Surrey.  It will also help you detox and kick-start any weight loss plan for the new Year.  Equally the Brighton Metropole Spa always has a good offer on where you can indulge yourself for a day away from all the Christmas shopping and stress.  Why not go with a friend or treat your mum.

New Year’s Resolutions – this year I will find love

Finding a life partner is probably high on the list if you make New Year’s resolutions.  Even if you don’t it’s still probably something you really want in your life.  It’s not impossible to meet a great life partner but you cannot sit back and wait for him or her to knock on your front door one evening, that’s just not going to happen.  And to all those people who tell you he or she will come along when you stop looking I say to them, rubbish!  If you were seeking your dream job, would you leave it to chance?  I bet you would try every avenue and make a real effort with your CV and applications.  So why would you leave finding your dream partner to chance?

I believe there is someone out there for all of us it’s just a case of finding them and that’s where I come in as a matchmaker with a proven track record in the industry.

Matchmaking Full Membership

Like our members, you may have tried and tested online dating and feel jaded and disillusioned after years of trying.  So you could try our pro-active Full Membership where we guarantee you a number of great people to meet who will match you on values and qualities sought in a partner.  I have 65% success rate on finding clients long-term partners and usually achieve this for them within the first month or two of their membership.  Sometimes it’s even on their first match.

We cannot guarantee true love, no matchmaker can.  Love can only come from meeting the recommended matches so you need to be open-minded and trust me as I do this every day.  What’s more I am very good at it and have introduced many happy couples who now share a life together. You can read our testimonials here.

Our pro-active service costs a little over £100 a month, includes a professional photo for your profile, a dating coach and your guaranteed matches.  You need to add up what you’ve spent on online dating over the years, I bet it is hundreds, I know mine added up to that.  Believe me if you’ve paid nothing and used free sites well, you get what you pay for.  Our members go on real dates with real people and find real love.

Online Dating Assistance

If you decide to use online dating then you need to spend a good two hours every evening making a conscious effort to search.  Be pro-active in making contact with others online.  You ought to meet the person as soon as possible to see if there is any connection.  It’s not possible to tell from emailing back and forth, or speaking on the telephone whether you have any connection with someone.  You simply have to meet, it’s the only way.

If you are planning to meet a stranger online then ensure you stick to the online dating safety guidelines. This goes for guys too as they can often be duped.  Please report anyone suspicious to the website and the police. Do not hesitate to do both as if something feels suspicious then it most likely is suspicious. Read the Online dating safety guidelines here.

We offer packages to assist people that want to use online dating.  For example, we can draft your profile and arrange a professional photo-shoot for you with our award-winning dating photographer. See here for our Online Dating Assistance packages.

Conclusion

So if you are single at Christmas fear not because there are lots of others just like you out there trying to find love too.  You are not alone and maybe next year you may have found your perfect partner.

 

Single Never Married

, , , ,

Loving CoupleSingle Never Married

As a matchmaker I work with all sorts of people.  Some are separated, divorced, widowed and yes, believe it or not – single never married.  I say “believe it or not” about the single never married status because of comments some people have made when they viewed their profiles.  Some people I work with have been married before and may have preconceived ideas about those who are single never married.  I say some and stress not all.

To give you an example, I presented a woman with a profile of a great guy who was single never married.  Taking into account the values and qualities she sought together with her situation and where she was in her life, this guy was a great potential match for her.  After receiving his profile her reply was “why has he never been married and he’s never had children, what’s wrong with him?”   This is not just one instance as I have had others from both genders who ask the same question.  This particular lady met the guy in question and actually liked him so much she met him again.     

Comments such as “What’s wrong with them or why have they never been married” are wholly unfair on the single never married individual, furthermore, being previously married and having children does not automatically make you the perfect partner.

Let’s be really clear here, if someone is single never married it has absolutely no bearing whatsoever on whether they will make a good potential life partner.  Moreover, people who are not blessed with children really do make excellent life partners and I am one such example on both counts.  I am single never married and I have no children yet I am capable of love.  Furthermore, I thank goodness my partner decided not to brush me aside for being of the single never married status and never bearing children.  He would have made a huge mistake as I make a wonderful life partner.  We are ecstatically happy and have been so for many years.

Why have some people never married?

People have different priorities in life and sometimes the opportunity to get married does not always present itself.  I for one saw myself living with my imaginary husband and children in a country cottage complete with the white picket fence and a rose garden.  The reality was I became a police offer, then a detective who worked long hours, very often 16-20 hours a day, several days and nights a week.  I found I was awake when others were sleeping and sleeping when they were awake.  It was impossible to meet a partner in my 30s and for almost 10 years I was alone and very lonely.  I suppose you could say it was my choice to join the police force and ultimately my choice to be single but that’s harsh.  I had a lot of love to give but I just had no-one to give it to.  That was not my fault or choice.

Why no Children?

Turning to having children, well this is not always a choice you are granted.  There are many reasons the choice is taken away whether you are a woman or a man.  You may not even be aware of this until you start trying to have a baby with your partner.  The stress of being infertile can certainly be enough to destroy any relationship.  A dating expert I know and trust has a guest blog which touches on this exact subject, http://www.all-sweetness-and-life.com/guest-post/when-being-childless-isnt-a-choice/

I can also say that I was challenged in the fertility department myself.  I recall the words of a former partner’s mother when she became aware of my challenges.  She told him to look elsewhere for someone who could bear children and ultimately her grandchildren.  In other words end the relationship with me because my fertility was a challenge.  He did as she requested and ended our relationship.  What a blow that was to my self-esteem.

Conclusion

Some people have an ‘ideal’ in their heads about the kind of person they see themselves meeting but they rarely end up with that ideal.  Test this theory and ask your friends and family members in happy relationships if they had an ideal and if their current partner ticks all the ideal boxes.  I bet they say no but they are still happy and would not change them for the world.

Whether someone is right for you can never be judged on their marital status.  It is more about the person, the qualities and values they hold.  Single never married people hold just as good qualities, family and other values as those who were once married and they can make wonderful life partners.  It’s also worth remembering that all of us were single never married at one stage.

Just bear in mind that love does not always come easy for some and you should remain open in your quest for love.  The world, including the dating world is made up of lots of individuals and one, somewhere out there is right for you, he or she could be single never married which is not a bad thing.

 

Choosing a Matchmaking Agency

Choosing a Matchmaking Agency

, , , ,

Choosing a Matchmaking Agency

I really encourage people to do their research when choosing a matchmaking agency, as I am so confident in what we are able to offer our clients that I actually tell them to check out the competition.

These are just some of the questions I suggest you ask when choosing a matchmaking agency:

What areas do they cover and have they sufficient clients in those areas? 

I have taken calls from people who tell me they paid well in excess of a thousand pounds to a matchmaking agency professing to be in their area only to find that their dates were in Birmingham, Scotland and even Northern Ireland.

We cover Sussex, Surrey, West Kent and parts of Hampshire.  We always check with you what distance you’re willing to travel when meeting someone.  If you live in Sussex then your matches will be based in Sussex or surrounding areas.  I introduced a couple who lived over an hour away from one another.  It’s not something I usually do however, I just knew they had to meet despite the distance and so made the introduction.  I am pleased to say they have now moved in together.

What guarantees do they offer? 

Now, no agency can ever guarantee you will sail off into the sunset with the love of your life and live happily ever after.  What they should be able to do is provide the means for you to meet eligible single people who may become a life partner.  So ask the agency you are considering taking out a membership with, what they guarantee for the money you pay.

We guarantee to match our members with eligible singles who have the qualities and values they tell us they are seeking.

Ask how many matches are you likely to get? 

The answer is likely to vary from four in one year, yes once a quarter just like a utility bill and in some cases no guaranteed amount whatsoever.  There may well be a limit on those matches offered to you so once you receive your quota that’s it, so it’s pay up or no more matches.

Now, we offer a minimum amount of matches over your membership period and there is no upper limit, after all our objective is to find you a life partner so why would we limit you and stop you from meeting someone who could be just right for you.  We regularly over deliver matches to our clients and in some cases we’ve managed to get it spot on with the first match we select.  We have a 65% match success rate, so for every ten couples we introduce on a weekly basis more than half continue dating long term.

You should not get too hung up on numbers though as you must remember that matchmaking is a bespoke service where your match is hand selected based on shared qualities, values, where you are in your lives as well as other criteria. We don’t allow double dating, meeting several dates a week.  It is not a numbers game where you meet a string of low quality dates. We’re more about quality.   After matching hundreds of clients to date experience has shown that most people can fit in about two dates a month as everyone, even single people, lead very busy lives and schedules can be hectic especially in summer time and at Christmas.  Compared to some other agencies where you receive one a month or one a quarter, that’s a pretty good service.

Ask them to explain their pricing structure and whether there are hidden charges?

They are also likely to have some convoluted pricing structure whereby if you take the lowest membership, which could still be thousands of pounds, you’re still likely to be so low down the pecking order you won’t meet any new members that join up.  As I mentioned above some matchmaking agencies will limit the number of matches you receive and charge you for more once you have had your quota.

Our pricing structure is simple, four months or six months with a minimum number of matches guaranteed and no limit on the number you actually receive.

Are their matchmakers trained and are they a member of any professional body?      

The matchmaking industry is unregulated and so there are a number of bodies and professional networks that we choose to subscribe to and adhere to their guidelines.  For a start we took the decision to become trained and certified through the Matchmaker Academy which is run by dating expert and Best Matchmaker Award winner both here in the UK and internationally, Caroline Brealey.  Through the Matchmaker Academy we subscribe to a Code of Ethics..

We are also members of the Dating Industry Professional Network whose members, like us, provide some of the highest quality services in the dating industry.

Our reputation and ethics are paramount to us hence we choose the above associations for their professionalism, innovative approach and highly regarded longevity as dating industry leaders.

I hope this helps you when choosing a matchmaking agency. 

Dating Mistakes

Dating Mistakes

, , , , ,

Dating Mistakes

Dating MistakesIn this article I discuss some of the common dating mistakes people make.

It’s that time of the year again when dating websites’ traffic soars as singles re-evaluate their situation and make a conscious decision to change it by embarking on a proactive search for romance.  The 4 January is now known as the ‘Black Friday’ of the dating world as millions log on or sign up with dating providers in their quest to find love.

Whether you decide to use an online dating provider or a more personalised, professional and bespoke dating provider like us, one thing you really need to consider and be aware of are the pitfalls whereby you set far too stringent limiting criteria which automatically reduces your pool of eligible, potentially compatible partners.  Below I list some of the common dating mistakes that people make and believe me I made them too when I was single.

The List

Sometimes clients I meet with want to provide me with a list of must haves.  Some of the criteria can be very specific such as an exact height, salary, occupation and even hair colour.  So I tell them that I work with real people who are all intelligent, educated and interesting, furthermore I love working with them and that’s why they are members.  I cannot create a person and setting such specific limits on what you are looking for will not help you find who you are looking for.  In fact it will do the exact opposite because you will discard potentially eligible matches by refusing to meet them.  No matter how much you think you can determine whether someone is right for you by looking at a profile, you absolutely cannot.  In fact it’s well researched and proven by academics, Professors Eli Finkel and Paul Eastwick that you can only determine compatibility by meeting ‘face to face’.  

Here’s a little test that you can try out to prove the theory on specific criteria.  Ask your friends or family members who are in happy relationships if their partner ticked all their must haves.  I bet you they say no and I also bet they say they fell in love with them despite their imperfections.  You might even find that they never set any criteria at all.  Once you meet and attraction takes over there is no stopping it.

It’s important to have core values and qualities and to have a dealbreaker (such as you won’t date a smoker) but not a stringent list.  I am not suggesting that you settle for less or drop your standards but I am suggesting that you keep an open mind and consider someone you might never have thought of before because they just might be the love of your life.

To Google or not to Google

The internet is a fascinating tool, you can tell so much from a name, a telephone number or an email address.  You can access LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, the list is endless.  Equally the internet is quite a scary place especially when your home address can be found with just the click of a mouse.  If you give out your telephone number the chances are the person you gave it to will check out your Whatsapp photo and it might not be one you’re proud of.  People are visual creatures and they will discount someone on a badly taken image.

If you give someone your email address which happens to contain your full name then the chances are they are surfing through social media and viewing your LinkedIn and Facebook profiles.  Hmmm, not good if they decide not to meet you because of a post that your friend put up and tagged you when you were drunk on a night out looking worse for wear.

Think about it like this, if you were applying for your dream job and the potential employer viewed your social media profile, as they so often do, then you should not have posts on there that you would not want that potential employer to see.  Same thing applies for meeting a potential new partner, you want to be seen in your best possible light.  This is not putting up a false image, it’s presenting you in the best possible way.  After all you are seeking your dream guy or girl.

Don’t forget people on the internet are not always who they say they are and would you want a complete stranger to have your home address?  With our service we have already met all our members and anyone we introduce you to, so we know their name, address, date of birth, occupation, work address and what they like and dislike.  So we know them fairly well.  We never give out home addresses or last names as only our members choose to do that when they meet for a date.

So if you take nothing more away from this perhaps you may think about how your sensitive and private information can be easily accessed by strangers, people you have never even met.  So be careful about what you release and when.

Have fun dating and hope this helps to overcome some of the common dating mistakes.

South Downs Introductions - © Your Matchmaker Ltd. 2014-2019
c/o 32 Church Rd, Hove, BN3 2FN. All rights reserved. Co.Reg.in England and Wales No.9400548