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10 February 2016

Choosing a Matchmaking Agency

South Downs Introductions Dating Advice bespoke dating, choosing a dating agency, dating Advice, matchmaker, matchmaking

Choosing a Matchmaking Agency

I really encourage people to do their research when choosing a matchmaking agency, as I am so confident in what we are able to offer our clients that I actually tell them to check out the competition.

These are just some of the questions I suggest you ask when choosing a matchmaking agency:

What areas do they cover and have they sufficient clients in those areas?

I have taken calls from people who tell me they paid well in excess of a thousand pounds to a matchmaking agency professing to be in their area only to find that their dates were in Birmingham, Scotland and even Northern Ireland.

We cover Sussex, Surrey, West Kent and parts of Hampshire. We always check with you what distance you’re willing to travel when meeting someone. If you live in Sussex then your matches will be based in Sussex or surrounding areas. I introduced a couple who lived over an hour away from one another. It’s not something I usually do however, I just knew they had to meet despite the distance and so made the introduction. I am pleased to say they have now moved in together.

What guarantees do they offer?

Now, no agency can ever guarantee you will sail off into the sunset with the love of your life and live happily ever after. What they should be able to do is provide the means for you to meet eligible single people who may become a life partner. So ask the agency you are considering taking out a membership with, what they guarantee for the money you pay.

We guarantee to match our members with eligible singles who have the qualities and values they tell us they are seeking.

Ask how many matches are you likely to get?

The answer is likely to vary from four in one year, yes once a quarter just like a utility bill and in some cases no guaranteed amount whatsoever. There may well be a limit on those matches offered to you so once you receive your quota that’s it, so it’s pay up or no more matches.

Now, we offer a minimum amount of matches over your membership period and there is no upper limit, after all our objective is to find you a life partner so why would we limit you and stop you from meeting someone who could be just right for you. We regularly over deliver matches to our clients and in some cases we’ve managed to get it spot on with the first match we select. We have a 65% match success rate, so for every ten couples we introduce on a weekly basis more than half continue dating long term.

You should not get too hung up on numbers though as you must remember that matchmaking is a bespoke service where your match is hand selected based on shared qualities, values, where you are in your lives as well as other criteria. We don’t allow double dating, meeting several dates a week. It is not a numbers game where you meet a string of low quality dates. We’re more about quality. After matching hundreds of clients to date experience has shown that most people can fit in about two dates a month as everyone, even single people, lead very busy lives and schedules can be hectic especially in summer time and at Christmas. Compared to some other agencies where you receive one a month or one a quarter, that’s a pretty good service.

Ask them to explain their pricing structure and whether there are hidden charges?

They are also likely to have some convoluted pricing structure whereby if you take the lowest membership, which could still be thousands of pounds, you’re still likely to be so low down the pecking order you won’t meet any new members that join up. As I mentioned above some matchmaking agencies will limit the number of matches you receive and charge you for more once you have had your quota.

Our pricing structure is simple, four months or six months with a minimum number of matches guaranteed and no limit on the number you actually receive.

Are their matchmakers trained and are they a member of any professional body?

The matchmaking industry is unregulated and so there are a number of bodies and professional networks that we choose to subscribe to and adhere to their guidelines. For a start we took the decision to become trained and certified through the Matchmaker Academy which is run by dating expert and Best Matchmaker Award winner both here in the UK and internationally, Caroline Brealey. Through the Matchmaker Academy we subscribe to a Code of Ethics..

We are also members of the Dating Industry Professional Network whose members, like us, provide some of the highest quality services in the dating industry.

Our reputation and ethics are paramount to us hence we choose the above associations for their professionalism, innovative approach and highly regarded longevity as dating industry leaders.

I hope this helps you when choosing a matchmaking agency.

30 January 2016

First Dates and Compatibility

South Downs Introductions Dating Advice

First Dates

And The Sense of Compatibility

The First Dates Channel 4 show which opens its restaurant doors to love hungry singles is now in its fifth series of finding its diners love through first dates. The matchmaking programme can even add a wedding proposal to its bow, albeit a whirlwind romance, nonetheless another success. The happy couple met a mere three months earlier at the First Dates restaurant and have been inseparable ever since even moving in together just three weeks after they met. During a First Dates Christmas Special hosted to reunite all its successful couples a nervous Scott got down on one knee and asked a shocked Victoria to marry him with a no expense spared Haribo ring to mark the occasion. She now sports a diamond engagement ring and they have set a date to marry in the autumn of next year.

During an interview on the show Scott said he would not have picked Victoria if she’d been on paper but he’s now so glad they went on that first date as it has changed his life. Scott’s comment about not picking Victoria on paper is quite important and I will explain why so later on in this article.

Intrigued, as I had not watched the programme previously I decided to watch it on Friday 29 January 2016 and it didn’t surprise me as a professional matchmaker that three out of the five couples who took part in the show liked one another enough to want to meet for a second date. That’s a 60% success rate which is very good. So why is First Dates so successful? Well put simply the people who take part in First Dates meet their dates face to face, in a safe environment, not knowing anything about them whatsoever so they have no preconceived ideas or high expectations which can sometimes result from speaking on the telephone prior to meeting.

Prior to the show the First Dates team sift through the applications and put their matchmaking skills to use by selecting the best possible matches who are then invited to take part in the show. During this date, which in some respects is a chance encounter, the couples hit it off or they don’t. Fred Sirieix, the Maitre D, is always on hand to lend a supportive word or comforting smile to those who feel nervous or shy. It really is a heart-warming show to which I am now addicted.

However, the point of this article is to explain why just meeting someone your matchmaker recommends could be right for you and if you do why it can be so successful.

Here at South Downs Introductions we do use profiles which contain photographs. The profiles tell our clients a little about the match we have selected for them. On some occasions clients will view a profile and assume they won’t be compatible with the match we have selected because the match doesn’t tick every item on their dating shopping list or doesn’t have as many similar interests as them. But surely you can tell from browsing a profile whether you would be compatible with a potential partner based on its content, I hear you ask? The answer is no, you can’t. Don’t take my word for it though – as a series of studies spearheaded by relationship psychologist, Dr Paul Eastwick has shown that you might think you’re making sensible decisions about who to meet and who is compatible with you when browsing profiles. However research proves that you cannot get an accurate sense of romantic compatibility until you’ve met the person face to face. Read the Scientific American article here. This is the principle that First Dates works on (meeting face to face) and that is why it’s so successful.

It also links very nicely back to the comment Scott made about him not picking Victoria on paper. Had he turned down Victoria at the paper stage (viewing her profile) then he simply would not have met her, there would be no wedding, no children, no life together and no happy ever after with Victoria.

Our matchmaking service has a 65% success rate for couples dating and creating relationships. Seven out of ten couples we match per week are now dating with a good number in long term relationships. We achieve this because we ask our clients to trust us and meet everyone we recommend for a first date. Those who do meet who we recommend get the most from their membership and very often leave us happy and in love.

3 January 2016

Dating Mistakes

South Downs Introductions Dating Advice bespoke dating, dating Advice, Dating Mistakes, matchmaking, offline dating, online dating

Dating Mistakes

In this article I discuss some of the common dating mistakes people make.

It’s that time of the year again when dating websites’ traffic soars as singles re-evaluate their situation and make a conscious decision to change it by embarking on a proactive search for romance. The 4 January is now known as the ‘Black Friday’ of the dating world as millions log on or sign up with dating providers in their quest to find love.

Whether you decide to use an online dating provider or a more personalised, professional and bespoke dating provider like us, one thing you really need to consider and be aware of are the pitfalls whereby you set far too stringent limiting criteria which automatically reduces your pool of eligible, potentially compatible partners. Below I list some of the common dating mistakes that people make and believe me I made them too when I was single.

The List

Sometimes clients I meet with want to provide me with a list of must haves. Some of the criteria can be very specific such as an exact height, salary, occupation and even hair colour. So I tell them that I work with real people who are all intelligent, educated and interesting, furthermore I love working with them and that’s why they are members. I cannot create a person and setting such specific limits on what you are looking for will not help you find who you are looking for. In fact it will do the exact opposite because you will discard potentially eligible matches by refusing to meet them. No matter how much you think you can determine whether someone is right for you by looking at a profile, you absolutely cannot. In fact it’s well researched and proven by academics, Professors Eli Finkel and Paul Eastwick that you can only determine compatibility by meeting ‘face to face’.

Here’s a little test that you can try out to prove the theory on specific criteria. Ask your friends or family members who are in happy relationships if their partner ticked all their must haves. I bet you they say no and I also bet they say they fell in love with them despite their imperfections. You might even find that they never set any criteria at all. Once you meet and attraction takes over there is no stopping it.

It’s important to have core values and qualities and to have a dealbreaker (such as you won’t date a smoker) but not a stringent list. I am not suggesting that you settle for less or drop your standards but I am suggesting that you keep an open mind and consider someone you might never have thought of before because they just might be the love of your life.

To Google or not to Google

The internet is a fascinating tool, you can tell so much from a name, a telephone number or an email address. You can access LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, the list is endless. Equally the internet is quite a scary place especially when your home address can be found with just the click of a mouse. If you give out your telephone number the chances are the person you gave it to will check out your Whatsapp photo and it might not be one you’re proud of. People are visual creatures and they will discount someone on a badly taken image.

If you give someone your email address which happens to contain your full name then the chances are they are surfing through social media and viewing your LinkedIn and Facebook profiles. Hmmm, not good if they decide not to meet you because of a post that your friend put up and tagged you when you were drunk on a night out looking worse for wear.

Think about it like this, if you were applying for your dream job and the potential employer viewed your social media profile, as they so often do, then you should not have posts on there that you would not want that potential employer to see. Same thing applies for meeting a potential new partner, you want to be seen in your best possible light. This is not putting up a false image, it’s presenting you in the best possible way. After all you are seeking your dream guy or girl.

Don’t forget people on the internet are not always who they say they are and would you want a complete stranger to have your home address? With our service we have already met all our members and anyone we introduce you to, so we know their name, address, date of birth, occupation, work address and what they like and dislike. So we know them fairly well. We never give out home addresses or last names as only our members choose to do that when they meet for a date.

So if you take nothing more away from this perhaps you may think about how your sensitive and private information can be easily accessed by strangers, people you have never even met. So be careful about what you release and when.

Have fun dating and hope this helps to overcome some of the common dating mistakes.

29 December 2015

He Loves Me…He Loves Me Not…

South Downs Introductions Dating Advice

He Loves Me…He Loves Me Not…

How to Decode and Respond to His Text Messages

Texting a man can sometimes feel like a constant game of “he loves me, he loves me not,” just without a daisy to peel petals off of. Unless you really happen to enjoy destroying daisies, there’s no reason to be playing that childhood game as an adult.

Unlike a lot of us women, most men don’t spend their time analyzing text messages. They see no reason to because, for them, a text is often just 140 characters. Yappers – nothing more than that.

So, what’s the point? Why don’t we see it that way? How can we avoid spending countless hours reading and re-reading his text messages? You can save yourself a lot of time by accepting that most men don’t write text messages in foreign code.

Here are some common examples to get you started.

When he sends, “What are your plans for…?”

I know what you’re thinking. What are his intentions here? Does he want to find out if I’m free to do something? Is he hoping I’ll be busy so that he can make other plans? You don’t want to tell him about your upcoming girl’s night because then he might think you’re not interested in him. However, you also don’t want to risk sounding like a loser by being overly available and saying you have nothing planned.

The best thing to do is just be honest. If he wants to ask you out, he’ll ask no matter what your response is. If you happen to busy on a particular day, he’ll just suggest a different time. It’s also possible that he just thought upcoming weekend plans would be a safe conversation starter. The safest thing you can do is simply treat it as such.

When he stops texting:

Oh, no! You must have said something stupid, and now he’s no longer interested in you, right? Or, maybe he (and his phone) were both eaten alive by the Big Bad Wolf? Hold your horse. Not so fast.

Maybe he just isn’t interested in having a small talk conversation over text. Not just with you, but with anyone. Not everyone enjoys texting. Period. Many men prefer to only text when they have a legitimate reason to, such as setting up or confirming plans to spend time with you in person. Bring up the subject when you are together – in person.

When he sends emoji’s and emoticons:

Most men don’t use emoji’s or emoticons on a regular basis. It’s rare to find a man that does. If he uses them with you, it means he’s going out of his way to come across as more flirty and knows women think they’re cool. Don’t worry about which emoji or emoticon he used. The fact that he used one at all is enough.

When he sends the good morning/good night text:

He’s going out of his way to do this because he’s thinking about how much he likes you, and he wants you to know that. He wants you to know that he appreciates you. Men don’t go out of their way to send messages like this to people they don’t care about, plain and simple. The same can be said about almost any text that isn’t asking you for a favor.

What to do now:

Now that you know the appropriate interpretations of and responses to some of his common text messages, put your phone down. If you really feel like playing the “he loves me, he loves me not” game, you can buy yourself a bouquet of daisies from the nearest grocery store.

Stop thinking about the hidden meaning behind his text messages. It’s not worth your time. There probably isn’t one. Just enjoy them at face value. If his texting habits are upsetting you, openly communicate with him in person.

Claudia Cox Bio:

Claudia is the creator of Text Weapon, and the author of French Seduction Made Easy. She is passionate about modern communication and loves helping people improve their relationships through flirty texting. To read more by Claudia, visit Text Weapon . Don’t forget to signup for the FREE Texting Club trial with over 300 messages. You can also hit her up on Twitter

4 November 2015

Sparks or Chemistry

South Downs Introductions New

Why you shouldn’t Rate your Date Completely on Sparks or Chemistry

We’ve all been on those dates where we get on with someone and like them, but get disheartened because we just don’t feel the Sparks or Chemistry.

Hollywood has done a great job of conveying the idea that romance and love derives from chemistry alone. So when we don’t feel that, we disregard the person in pursuit of someone else – and in pursuit of those fireworks.

This post isn’t designed to burst your bubble – in fact, hopefully the opposite!

Yes, it’s true; sparks can fly as soon as your eyes meet with someone. Or on that first date. It does happen and those dates can evolve into something long-term and even marriage. But there are just as many, if not more, beautiful love stories where that ‘chemistry’ that we talk so much about has built between two people over time. It heightens as two people connect. Think of those stories you hear where something started as friendship and then turned into something more. Or when you meet someone who you initially feel zero attraction to, yet over time as you get to know them, the attraction and chemistry gradually becomes more and more prominent and suddenly catches you off-guard. As it was completely unexpected.

Some of the men I’ve fallen for the most haven’t been the ones who I felt crazy chemistry towards from the get-go. In fact, in those particular experiences the relationship ended up being more dramatic rather than romantic because lustful chemistry doesn’t lend itself to a harmonious, long-term relationship. It can be based on highs and lows. Sure that can be a lot of fun, but now where I’m in a position where I want something more sustainable and deeper in a partner, immediate chemistry isn’t top of my agenda.

Actually, the chemistry that builds over time is so much better than initial chemistry. It’s more connected, emotional, intimate and takes the relationship to a whole new level.

I’m certainly not saying keep dating someone who you feel absolutely nothing towards. But what I do know is that so many of us are quick to write off someone immediately because of lack of chemistry. I know I have and learnt from that way of approaching dating. So my rule of thumb now, is if you like them, get on with them and have even a tiny bit of curiosity about them, go on that second date. And a third date. Get to know them a bit by going on dates in different environments and scenarios and see if that chemistry does build.

It’s not about settling for less than what the movies portray – true love is out there – it really is. But often, it’s actually better to play the long-game and know that just because the fireworks aren’t flying from date one, that doesn’t mean they won’t be in time!

Laura Yates is one of our team and a highly regarded expert Dating Coach and writer. Visit Laura’s website for more information and advice.

10 October 2015

How to write a winning dating profile

South Downs Introductions Dating Advice dating profile, online dating

How to write a winning dating profile

7 Ways to get more dates

When it comes to online dating, a good dating profile is crucial to your success in finding the partner you want. A badly-written profile may make your ideal match pass you by without a second glance. And it may well attract all the wrong people, leaving you frustrated and disappointed by the low quality of the people you attract. This is a very common experience in online dating, but the good news is the answer is in your hands. You can fix it with these simple tips for creating a compelling profile that attracts the right people.

It sounds obvious when you say it, but creating your online profile is a marketing job. Few people approach it that way though, probably because they are uncomfortable with the idea of selling themselves.

Get over it! If you want to find the partner of your dreams, which is possibly one of the most important things you can do in your life, you’re going to to have to put a little effort into it. And it’s really not that hard. Here’s how you do it…

1 – Get the basics right

Make sure you don’t have basic spelling or grammatical errors in your profile. Everybody has spellcheck these days, so there’s no excuse, and if you’re not sure if you mean ‘their’, ‘they’re’ or ‘there’, get a friend to check. Mistakes like this make you look careless at best…

Make sure you fill in all the sections of your profile, giving as much information as possible about yourself, and the partner you are looking for. Leaving these sections empty, or leaving them to do later, is a wasted opportunity. Hit the ground running with a full profile from the beginning.

Always have a photo. It almost always starts with liking the look of each other. No photo means nothing to go on. And people who don’t have photos, often don’t have a photo for a reason. Like they shouldn’t be on there in the first place… like they’re married. It’s a red flag that will put many people off straight away.

Show your eyes in your photo. It’s ok to have a couple with sunnies on as well, if they are good photos, but you must have at least one that shows your eyes, and ideally one that shows your full body as well.

Of course choose photos that show you favourably, but don’t use anything that is deceptive, or not how you really look. Airbrushed studio photos can look great in a profile, but inevitably lead to raised expectations, and possibly disappointment when you meet in the flesh.

2 – Only have yourself in your photos

Do not have your dog in your photos. Nobody cares what your dog looks like (unless they are looking for a pet). It may be the most important thing in your life, part of you, and you need the world to see this. In which case… you’re scaring me! Sure it’s great that you’ve got a nice dog, but it’s not important at this stage. Concentrate on you.

Guys, the same goes for your cars and motorbikes. So you’ve got a nice car, so what? If they want a car, they will go to a garage, not a dating site. And you’ve heard the expression ‘big car small…’?

It’s also not a good idea to have your kids in your photos. It’s great that you’ve got them, but this is about you, not them. Of course they are important to you, and any future partner must take them into account, but worry about that later. At this point, we’re selling you, not looking for people to adopt them.

Ladies, don’t photograph yourself standing next to your hot friend (or daughter) — it won’t help you. Nor will standing next to your unattractive friend. It might make you look gorgeous by comparison, but all your partners will be thinking is ‘that’s who we’ll be hanging out with…’.

And guys, for goodness sake keep your shirts on! Have you any idea how many women complain about photos of men with their shirts off, leaning on their car/boat/motorbike? It doesn’t look good, however proud you are of your 6-pack (or however good you are at sucking your belly in). Just don’t do it, it’s ridiculous.

3 – Avoid clichés

They are boring, and the same as everybody else. Have you any idea how many people say the same things? For example:

“I’m a glass half full kind of person”

“As happy in wellies and jeans as dressed up for a night out”

“Equally at home camping or in a 5 star hotel”

“Love snuggling in front of a roaring fire with a glass of wine and a DVD”

“My friends say I am…”

“I don’t look or act my age”

Nearly 50% of profiles have one or more of these tedious clichés in. Which are things that probably apply to most people anyway.

What you’re trying to do in your profile is to stand out and be noticed. Not blend into the background, as dull and unimaginative as everybody else.

4 – ALWAYS be truthful

Never lie on your profile. Ever. Not even a little bit.

If you are seriously looking for a partner for life, ‘the one’, the last thing you want to do is to start the relationship off with a lie. Just imagine, if you find them, everything is going swimmingly, and then a few weeks down the line you have to say “I’m sorry, I wasn’t quite telling you the truth about…”. Game over, bye. And rightly so.

Many (particularly women), are tempted to knock a couple of years off their age. Their justification is that they don’t look/feel/act as old as they are, and they don’t want to be pigeonholed into an older age group when they feel younger. Well that’s true for all of us. We’re all in the same boat, so play by the rules, and be honest.

Men apparently often add a couple of inches on (their height). This is spectacularly short-sighted, as it’s obvious as soon as you stand up, and have to look up to gaze into your date’s eyes. If you do this, you lose marks for stupidity, as well as for lying.

5 – Be authentic

The only thing you can do on your profile is to be yourself. Everybody else is taken.

Let your personality shine through on your profile. And don’t try to be something you’re not.

It is a little daunting to write about yourself at first, but you don’t have to be an award-winning copywriter. Just be natural.

Talk a little bit about yourself — what you do, what you enjoy, things you are excited or passionate about, how you like to spend your time, what you’re looking for, what makes you happy, places you have been, hobbies, interests, sports, your ideal partner, etc. etc.

It’s not that hard, just write a few sentences (following those suggestions as a prompt, if you like). You don’t need to write a book about yourself, just to give a flavour of who you are. The most important thing is to be yourself, and to use your own words. They don’t have to be perfect, or clever, they just have to be you. And nobody is better than you at doing that.

When you’ve written your piece (and it really only needs to be a few sentences if that’s all you have to say), show it to your friends. Male and female. See what they have to say. They might give you some new ideas, or give you some feedback on how it comes across. There might be things that you’ve missed out, that you’d like to add. Or not, as the case may be. It’s YOUR profile, it’s up to you.

The most important question to ask your friends is “is this me?”. That’s your goal: simply to get across the unique, wonderful person that is you.

6 – Say what you DO want, not what you DON’T

It’s always better to focus on positives rather than negatives. It can be very off-putting if your profile has a long list of things you don’t want.

“I don’t want anybody who is short, overweight, too old, lazy, unfit, or illiterate”

Doesn’t sound as good as:

“I’m looking for somebody who is tall, keeps themselves in shape, and is well read and under 40”

The message is the same, but negatives are off-putting, whereas positives are welcoming.

A laundry-list of things you don’t want looks like a bit of a rant, and makes you look demanding and fussy. Which you may well be, and there’s nothing wrong with that, if that’s how you want to be, but at this stage we’re only concerned with making you look attractive. So we’ll gloss over that for now.

7 – Don’t air your baggage in your profile

We all have past experiences that shape our views. Whether or not you let them become ‘baggage’ is up to you.

If you aren’t ready for a new relationship (for example, if you’re not over your ex), then don’t start dating. Wait until you’re ready. This is crucial. If you ignore this, you are opening up yourself and others to a world of hurt, frustration, and wasted time. Don’t do it, just wait.

If you really are ready for a new relationship, then be careful your profile doesn’t give a coded message about your past or present.

For example:

“I want somebody honest” (decode: I’ve been lied to in the past, I have trust issues.)

“Looking for somebody faithful” (decode: I’ve been cheated on before, I’m not letting you out of my sight.)

“Need somebody hard working with a good job” (decode: I am skint, I’ll spend all your money.)

“I don’t want anybody argumentative” (decode: I’ve argued a lot in the past. I’m quite good at it now.)

Just watch for hidden messages in your profile. If in doubt, say less. And don’t forget to get your friends to look at your profile before you post it.

So that’s it. Follow these simple tips and you are well on the way to creating a compelling profile that will hopefully attract the right people to contact you. After that, it’s up to you! Good luck, keep an open mind, and stay positive. They are out there somewhere.

About the author

Tim Felmingham is an Emsworth based writer and blogger, writing about Internet Marketing for Small Businesses. In his spare time he sails boats, plays drums, attempts yoga, and cooks occasionally edible Chinese food.

Follow him on Twitter: @timfel